Today, I fantasized about abandoning my hunger strike and slaughtering a donkey like some men here in Moadamiya did a few days ago, feeding as many women and children as possible with it. A full meal and a cigarette, how good that would feel? I’m happy that my hunger strike touched so many people around the world, that it raised awareness about Assad’s use of food as a tool of war, and so I won’t let these thoughts go further than fantasies and words. God has blessed me, and my friends, with endurance we never thought possible before the revolution.
Our town was chaos today. The townspeople were in upheaval about regime negotiations and the potential ceasefire. Even while 5 men sent by the regime sat amongst us, selling the regime’s story, the regime was shelling our town. Yes, even as they tried to convince us to take their dirty deal, illegally placing conditions on food reaching civilians, the regime once again tried to invade our town by ruthless military force. Only in the twisted mind of the regime, this behavior could make sense.
Our biggest fear remains that the regime will be able to get in… as this means certain death for the activists in Moadamiya. They will slaughter us with knives like they did to many innocent civilians before us. I often think about the many ways I can avoid this fate.
After much thought, I decided to make a video detailing something I had refused to speak about before, which is that I’ve been receiving death threats from people inside and outside Moadamiya. I don’t want to write in detail about it here, as it may further endanger my life, but I feel better knowing that I have sent this video to my friends here and abroad so that if something does happen to me, they will know the circumstances and understand who is responsible.
While my body aches with hunger and pain and my mind swirls with worries of regime invasion and death threats, inside I feel at peace. I am ready to accept whatever God wills for me.